Here’s a one-stop, laugh-and-learn guide to a Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA). Think of it as the “divorce road map” that takes you from “We used to share a bathroom” to “We each have our own laundry pile.” I’ll sketch out the typical sections, toss in a few sample clauses, and sprinkle in some attorney-approved humor. But remember: every state (and every couple) is different—so tailor, tweak, and always run it by a local lawyer before hitting “Sign.”
1. Cover Page and Title
• Title it “Marital Settlement Agreement.”
• Identify the spouses (John Q. Doe and Jane A. Doe), address, date of marriage, date of separation.
2. Recitals (“Whereas” Clauses)
• Why you’re here (“Whereas the parties were married on… and separated on…”).
• Mutual intent to settle all rights and obligations.
• A brief statement that the parties fully disclose finances (i.e., no credit-card receipts hidden under the mattress).
3. Definitions (Optional, but Helpful)
• Define “Marital Property,” “Separate Property,” “Support,” “Net Disposable Income,” etc.
• This prevents “wait, what does ‘net’ mean again?” arguments later.
4. Division of Property
4.1 Real Estate
– Address who keeps the family home (and whether the other has a “right of first refusal” if you sell).
4.2 Personal Property
– Divide furniture, cars, pets (Yes, Mr. Whiskers counts).
4.3 Bank Accounts & Investments
– List account numbers and exactly who walks away with what—no “I thought I’d get half the peanut M&M fund.”
5. Division of Debt
• Mortgage, credit cards, auto loans: Each party’s responsibility.
• A sample clause: “Spouse A agrees to indemnify and hold Spouse B harmless from any liability on Credit Card #1234.”
6. Spousal Support (Alimony)
• Amount, duration, start date, end date or “until remarriage/death.”
• Sample: “Spouse A shall pay $1,200/month for 5 years or until Spouse B’s death or remarriage—whichever comes first (sorry, no prenup-style windfalls!).”
7. Child‐Related Provisions (If You Have Kids)
7.1 Custody / Parenting Plan
– Legal vs. physical custody, visitation schedule, holiday rotation (Tip: Color-code a calendar so no one accidentally shows up with a lawn chair).
7.2 Child Support
– Base it on state guidelines, list dollar amount, payment date, method (“Zelle only—no IOUs!”).
7.3 Health Insurance & Unreimbursed Medicals
– Who covers what percentage of co-pays, braces, therapy, Pokémon cards (just kidding… or am I?).
8. Taxes
• Who claims the kids each year—odd years Mom, even years Dad?
• Who handles sale of home or investment gains?
• Sample: “Parents shall confer in good faith on
preparation of joint or individual returns for the year of divorce.”
9. Retirement Accounts
• QDRO for 401(k)/pension.
• Be specific: “Spouse A gets 60% of marital portion of Pension Plan #4567, calculated as of the separation date.”
10. Insurance and
Beneficiary Designations
• Life insurance to secure support obligations.
• “Spouse A shall maintain a $250,000 life policy naming Spouse B as irrevocable beneficiary until spousal support ends.”
11. Attorneys’ Fees & Costs
• Who pays whose legal bills?
Sample: “Each party shall bear his or her own attorneys’ fees and costs.”
12. Mutual Release / Waivers
• “Except as otherwise provided herein, each party releases the other from any and all claims.”
13. Miscellaneous Provisions
• Entire agreement clause (“This document is the Beyoncé of your divorce—flawless and final.”)
• Governing law (your state).
• Amendment (must be in writing and signed by both—no texting “cool, I agree!”).
• Severability (if one clause falls, the rest still stand).
14. Signatures & Notary
• Parties sign and date.
• Notarization (often required).
• Keep extra copies—one for each spouse, one for your lawyer, one for your therapist.
Final Tips:
• FULL FINANCIAL DISCLOSURE is no joke—hiding that PayPal stash is a bad idea.
• Be SPECIFIC. Vague language = future fights.
• Use STATE-SPECIFIC FORMS when required (many courts provide templates).
• Check CHILD SUPPORT GUIDELINES—underpaying can land you in hot water faster than you can say “I object!”
And there you have it: your in-a-nutshell, lawyer-with-a-sense-of-humor blueprint for an MSA. Now go forth, draft diligently, and remember: the best divorce is the one where everyone walks away knowing exactly who keeps the blender.
(Disclaimer: This is general information, not legal advice. Consult a licensed attorney in your jurisdiction before signing anything.)